Friday at 19:00, the new CD arrived at my doorstep. By 4:00(am) I was in the car heading for the Munich airport ready for my tour to begin.
It's been a whirlwind and I'm not sure where to start. I haven't had a minute to sit down and catch up with myself yet, let alone write any blogs.
So although today isn't a day off either, I do have some time before I head to the BBC for my next radio interview.
The first flight in to Heathrow Terminal 5 was interesting to say the least. Nowhere near the level of frustration of March 27 but wait until I tell you this....
As we sat in the runway (not pulled up to any station) the pilot announced he was sorry for the delay we'd be experiencing. He informed us the tower did not have us on the schedule. A morning flight MUC via LHR everyday of the year, at the same time and they didn't know we were coming??
After waiting nearly 45 minutes on board, it did throw me into a tail spin running for my puddle jumper to Newcastle.
I made it only to land on the other end and wait no less than 3 hours to get my rental car. Not only did their printer break which is necessary or renting but they ran out cars even though everyone in line had reserved one.
So that's how my tour started and getting in the car exhausted from no sleep the night before and getting lost wasn't exactly my idea of fun. My phone hadn't been topped off so I couldn't call my agent.
Fortunately I found a nice couple when I pulled over that let me call Helen and figure out where the heck I was. And it's pathetic to be honest... South Shields is not huge and I should know better. I was just so tired already.
Saturday was chaotic in my head. I couldn't make sense of anything and the shock of the world I used to live in right there in front of me, kind of freaked me out.
Living on the road is something I used to do. It started as a real honest pull to it and somewhere along the way turned into of course not only a job but a sort of duty to my fans as well as proof to my family.
It all sounds complicated and it is really so I can tell you after 1.5 years off the road and the cold, hard business of music, I was nowhere near prepared for the harsh reality of it.
People think what I do is glamorous and see it through romance red glasses. Sorry to shatter the illusion but if it's your job and you are a folk singer, the roses are in short supply and the money, that's another story.
I had a well expected mini breakdown and was on my way. Back to the business I mean.
My first show in Newcastle was a success and I even surprised myself by having a really, really good time.
My agent and publicist were both there (which admittedly I'd love to have on the road with me always...*sigh) and my friend Dave videotaped it. So hopefully along with some other video footage and photo's, I can get that posted here.
I headed down South a bit after and had another great show that topped Newcastle. The folks in Beverly were adorable and attentive and the show was my favorite of the tour so far. I really could have gone on for hours.
Although getting to radio beforehand in the pouring rain then straight to the promoters house was somewhat challenging, I made it and went close to straight on the stage in good spirits.
The downside is we discovered I had a flat as well as slow leaks in both tires as someone had smashed in the back rims from the inside. I guess that meant I was close to having 2 blow outs had it not been noticed and just changed.
There were no extra cars for hire nearby so the good guys at the Fix it tyre shop banged out my rims intent on getting me to Edinburgh, Scotland for my next show.
Edinburgh although a let down in attendance was also a good show and out the blue a girl I met at a show in Modesto, California in 2003 (my first CD Little Lighthouse CD release) was there! Small, small world I tell you.
Oh I failed to mention that after being lost most of the first few days I decided to invest in Sat. Nav... To those of you in the US, GPS. Oh yeeeah.
I could go on and on and on about how much easier this had made my life but instead I will just say I call her Daisy, I love her and never want to lose her.
The following show in Kircaldy, Scotland was made even better by my fantastic hosts Davey and Mary. Their spirits soared and the love they share for each other very contagious. I hope Helli and I are like them when we grow up.
We formed a very nice friendship and it was the first time on the tour I really felt comfortable and could relax a little. After the show, Davey talked me into a gorgeous smokey flavored single malt whiskey as a night cap. I don't drink on the road anymore but I could hear my husband voice in my head telling me to turn down a whiskey offered by a Scottsman would be mad...
I had my first ly in nestled in their gorgeous cozy house, indulged in some caffeinated with cream coffee the next morning and was on my way to where I am now, Sheffield.
Pete asked me last minute Friday if I wanted to play the Village Hall outside of town with Jez Lowe and the bad pennies. And since Kate Bramley (his violinist) will be joining me on some dates this summer, it couldn't have worked out any better.
What a lovely hall and the other Pete running it, was absolutely the sweetest man.
Jez and the band were much better this time around then when I saw them come through Innsbruck. Could have something to do with not even 10 people in attendance the first time I saw them compared to last nights packed hall.
So there is a lot of in between stuff but nothing is jumping out at me at the moment. Just a lot of driving from one place to the next, arriving just in time for sound checks the almost straight to the stage. It's been pretty hectic so far. I'm losing too much weight which coming from me sounds absurd I know. Living off the raw food I bought at the start of the tour but hardly having a stomach or time to eat it properly. Not good.
I definitely feel jolted and loopy being back out here but I have to say, knowing I have a home and a wonderful husband and good friends to go back home to, is keeping me centered.
It feels more like work than ever and I surely haven't hit my hobo stride the way I used to. I'm not sure or will but if I do, I am guessing it'll be a whole nother shebang since I get to fly in and out of Austria for rests in between. No more of this 6 months straight touring... just me and guitar and 100lb bag. I don't miss those days not for a second and if offered all sorts of money to get them back, I wouldn't even think about it. I don't envy a musician that loves it. Hats off to doing anything in life you love if you do but I can honestly say I have no desire to live on the road the way I used to. And having experienced it hard for far too long, I have had enough of my share and am content to pass the baton to whomever wants it.
Having a life other than music is something I never even wanted but now that I have it, I'm sorry to confess I prefer it over the life of a folk musician.
There's room for both in my life but at the moment, I am still thinking about the next hike, the next picnic, my husbands cooking and friends waiting in the alps.
Maybe I will catch up with myself out here and land. I'm not sure. Maybe not.
Either way, I'm enjoying the roundabouts, the lovely people, the little backroads, the satisfied feeling after a show well done. I expect I won't hit a stride so much as anticipate times passing.
Now that I've figured out how to be happy it's hard to drive in circles and know it's in another country altogether.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
1000 copies of the new CD at my doorstep...barely!
The first 1000 of, "Dust & branches...songs from a wanderer" 
The delivery man literally was home and going to come the next day (when I'd be in the UK already!) & only came because my duplicator called him at home! Then he left them outside the building and was only caught by my husband coming home. Barely got him to help us get them inside the building. Getting them up to the top floor, that's another story. :)
The delivery man literally was home and going to come the next day (when I'd be in the UK already!) & only came because my duplicator called him at home! Then he left them outside the building and was only caught by my husband coming home. Barely got him to help us get them inside the building. Getting them up to the top floor, that's another story. :)
Thursday, May 29, 2008
on a hike...
On a recent hike I organized for and with my Innsbruck expats/locals group, Thomas, the son of our good friend Gaby, broke his foot. For the third time this year. Our good friend Dr. Douggl checked him on scene and my husband Helli ran down the mountain to get the car, drove them down, then ran back up to join us. Wow.
On a hike days later with my husband, we passed two middle-aged women taking their donkeys out for a walk. I took a pretty terrible photo but I'll try to post it.
The following Friday on a hike with our friend Gaby, we watched a farmer nearly beat up a cyclist cutting across his fields. When I say beat, I am not exaggerating. The cyclist was minutes away from the trail but for fear of being beat, quickly turned around and went all the way back. Don't mess with Tyrolean farmers. I'm serious.
On a hike last weekend, we made friends with locals playing guitar and accordian at the beer house we hiked up to. We drank radlers, I sang my heart out, Helli used his finger to make a capo for me so I could play Whiskey Night and I learned to play spoons and yodel. The family that owned the house were so happy we got free hats and shirts and were invited to return with our friends and play the house instruments whenever we want. I have video which I'll try to post. We'll for sure be back.
All in all, hiking in the alps is more than just good shoes and sunscreen.
I'm looking forward to my breaks in between touring.
I should have my yodeling skills down by then.
On a hike days later with my husband, we passed two middle-aged women taking their donkeys out for a walk. I took a pretty terrible photo but I'll try to post it.
The following Friday on a hike with our friend Gaby, we watched a farmer nearly beat up a cyclist cutting across his fields. When I say beat, I am not exaggerating. The cyclist was minutes away from the trail but for fear of being beat, quickly turned around and went all the way back. Don't mess with Tyrolean farmers. I'm serious.
On a hike last weekend, we made friends with locals playing guitar and accordian at the beer house we hiked up to. We drank radlers, I sang my heart out, Helli used his finger to make a capo for me so I could play Whiskey Night and I learned to play spoons and yodel. The family that owned the house were so happy we got free hats and shirts and were invited to return with our friends and play the house instruments whenever we want. I have video which I'll try to post. We'll for sure be back.
All in all, hiking in the alps is more than just good shoes and sunscreen.
I'm looking forward to my breaks in between touring.
I should have my yodeling skills down by then.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Rest in peace Utah Phillips
I still can't believe it.
I just sent him another batch of stuff from Austria when I heard he had fallen ill again.
He was is and will always be my hero. A true storyteller, songwriter, lover of life, adventurer, hobo, activist. I love you Utah. Goodbye my friend and see you someday.
Rest in peace.
love,
Chris
I just sent him another batch of stuff from Austria when I heard he had fallen ill again.
He was is and will always be my hero. A true storyteller, songwriter, lover of life, adventurer, hobo, activist. I love you Utah. Goodbye my friend and see you someday.
Rest in peace.
love,
Chris
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Dust & branches ... songs from a wanderer is almost here!
It's almost here .. the new CD!
A little over a week left in duplication and it's in my hands ... yeesh!
If you would like to see me live, I'll be all over the place this Summer.
Starting with the UK, Scotland & Ireland ... moving on to Scandinavia, Australia (this may reschedule-we'll let you know) Eastern Europe and the USA...
Feel free to pass my information on to anyone you think might want to come out for a warm & cozy night of song & stories.
http://www.ChristeneLeDoux.com
The site is being updated constantly with new shows, music etc... and the link to buy the new CD will be up just as soon as it's released...!
Thanks for coming along for this ride. I'm so happy you are here and hope we meet up out there on the roads!
leibe Grüße,
Christene
Thursday, May 08, 2008
all night just this once?
Working on printing/office tasks here in Austria is a riot.
Ok, I'm lying.
It's annoying as ....
Well put it this way. There is no Kinko's where I live.
A gorgeous little city in the alps (that as we speak has fully blossomed into Spring - yay!) but nowhere near as cosmopolitan as our big bad Wien.
Which admittedly, I don't want anymore so that's the upside.
The downside?
The printer around the corner is A. Not open all night which does not lend itself well to my back to vampire hours while working on my CD graphics.
(Confession again; I'm glad things don't stay open all night here but I do miss this one little thing when I am working *smile*) and B. It's run by if you are lucky 2 half-way clueless college students (sorry guys, I do love you).
More often than not it's one guy with his cute little vintage t-shirt and dark jeans, converse and hair in his face.
And as sweet as he is and to look at (um, sorry honey) he's usually so overwhelmed it can take as long as 20 minutes just to be seen. Really.
And most times, especially at the busiest which with a place that closes at 6pm I believe means alway they (he) usually asks you to come back in an hour.
Well, if you're lucky.
But really?
2-3 hours and sometimes he has even asked me to come back another day altogether.
Yikes.
So as I have just spent the past 14 hours straight designing every last detail in my 12-page CD book, I am wondering how all this will pan out when I mosey on over to see the printer for a practice run before going into duplication.
Helli has the day off and although it's nice having him here during the day, I must say while trying to work it's a bit maddening. Love can be a great big time consuming distraction. Nuff said.
Anyway, it should be fun to to have him work with me tomorrow.
He can get a good laugh and see just what it is I am talking about.
He's been to Kinko's with me in the US - my favorite past time next to Office Depot. I know, I'm a little sick. I mean, an office store is like a toy store to me. Geesh.
Ok well I made a vow to slow down on the journals because I am spending more time on them than writing songs. That's not good.
And I don't even post half of them which is downright scary.
My head is spinning from layers and fades, bleeds and cutting and pasting. I think some ranting was called for.
There.
So getting office tasks done in Austria is no small deed.
The end of my big exciting news for today.
Ok, I'm lying.
It's annoying as ....
Well put it this way. There is no Kinko's where I live.
A gorgeous little city in the alps (that as we speak has fully blossomed into Spring - yay!) but nowhere near as cosmopolitan as our big bad Wien.
Which admittedly, I don't want anymore so that's the upside.
The downside?
The printer around the corner is A. Not open all night which does not lend itself well to my back to vampire hours while working on my CD graphics.
(Confession again; I'm glad things don't stay open all night here but I do miss this one little thing when I am working *smile*) and B. It's run by if you are lucky 2 half-way clueless college students (sorry guys, I do love you).
More often than not it's one guy with his cute little vintage t-shirt and dark jeans, converse and hair in his face.
And as sweet as he is and to look at (um, sorry honey) he's usually so overwhelmed it can take as long as 20 minutes just to be seen. Really.
And most times, especially at the busiest which with a place that closes at 6pm I believe means alway they (he) usually asks you to come back in an hour.
Well, if you're lucky.
But really?
2-3 hours and sometimes he has even asked me to come back another day altogether.
Yikes.
So as I have just spent the past 14 hours straight designing every last detail in my 12-page CD book, I am wondering how all this will pan out when I mosey on over to see the printer for a practice run before going into duplication.
Helli has the day off and although it's nice having him here during the day, I must say while trying to work it's a bit maddening. Love can be a great big time consuming distraction. Nuff said.
Anyway, it should be fun to to have him work with me tomorrow.
He can get a good laugh and see just what it is I am talking about.
He's been to Kinko's with me in the US - my favorite past time next to Office Depot. I know, I'm a little sick. I mean, an office store is like a toy store to me. Geesh.
Ok well I made a vow to slow down on the journals because I am spending more time on them than writing songs. That's not good.
And I don't even post half of them which is downright scary.
My head is spinning from layers and fades, bleeds and cutting and pasting. I think some ranting was called for.
There.
So getting office tasks done in Austria is no small deed.
The end of my big exciting news for today.
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Thursday, May 01, 2008
Christene LeDoux * Little Pumpkin Music News
WELCOME to the.....
Christene LeDoux * Little Pumpkin Music Newsletter
May 2008 (!) NEWS for songwriter Christene LeDoux
Issue No. 89
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-- Message from Christene
-- Dust & branches...songs from a wanderer available in JUNE!
-- PLUS *bonus* "tumbleweed...live, unreleased & rarities" CD coming soon after...
-- Tour dates this Summer/Fall in England/Scotland & Australia!
-- Want to host a concert with me in your home? You host in any country, I come to you! Help organize or host a show in general anywhere in the world?
-- Quote for the month...
Hallo (as we say in Austria)!
You may be wondering if I am still alive... !
I am here! :-))
If you didn't already know, I want to share with you that last year health-wise, was probably the most challenging I have personally had. I am doing really well now - completely on the mend - and charging full (ok, a little slower than that to preserve my health!) speed ahead back to finish the new record and touring this Summer and Fall.
The hospital stays, time at home and struggle to make it out, changed a lot of things for me, mainly how I was living my life out there. For a long time, it was music only, at the expense of my mental and physical health, my family and more - so I am not surprised that at the end of that particular road, I had a good old fashioned break down.
It's just like the children's fairy tale humpty dumpty except I was lucky enough to get the pieces of me, back together. :-) I apologize for last Spring/Summer/Fall cancelations and thank you for understanding through it all.
Onward...
The new CD's are absolutely and miraculously coming this June 2008! You have been so patient and loving to me through the years and I want to say thank you for that. It means a lot to me to have such amazing friends, family & fans in this world. Please note CDbaby has been re-stocked with more Little Lighthouse CD's and the first 45 are autographed! Thank you for waiting so patiently.
I have just returned to Austria as of a few days, as we speak - preparing to put "Dust & branches...songs from a wanderer" into duplciation!
Recording in Austin with Mark & friends was challenging due to allergies but aside from that, amaaaazing! I am sooo happy with the outcome and cannot wait to share the CD and all the surprises that come with it!
Another CD, "Tumbleweed... live, unreleased & rarities" is also coming this summer (albeit a bit later as it's being shipped from the US) and was mastered by my good friend and Little Lighthouse producer BZ Lewis at his Studio 132 in San Francisco/Oakland. I just picked up the master while in America last week and will be putting that into duplication as well. Thank you so much to Vic & Reba Heyman for allowing this CD to happen!
Starting in June, I'll be all over England and Scotland as usual and later this year am excited to take my first of many tours to come of Australia.
If you would like to host a house concert, help organize a show or can house me while I am in Australia, England & Scotland and well anywhere in the world, please send me a private email. I will happily come to you and give you a private show we will both remember for years to come.
House concerts have been in my schedule for years and are the most intimate, comfortable and best way to see me perform. They have and will always be my favorite way to perform for you. We pick a date, invite some of your friends, family, co-workers etc.. some of my fans if space permits, either have a potluck or offer snacks (if you'd like) and wala! I love playing acoustically and do not need anything more than a warm place to sleep for the night and even if we can't manage that, I can find one! Feel free to hit reply and let me know your thoughts. I am happy to tell you more about house concerts, how easy they are to host and help you every step of the way.
You can view my current but ever-changing schedule: http://www.ChristeneLeDoux.com
I hope we cross paths soon & more than anything, I hope wherever you are, you are happy. I miss all of you and that crazy, long, tiring but calling to me road...
love,
Chris
p.s If you sponsored Dust & branches... way back when, please send me a private email with your name and the amount. This is important so I can include you in the thank you's! :-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Quote for the month...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"...To live content with small means; to seek elegance rather than luxury, and refinement rather than fashion; to be worthy, not respectable, and wealthy, not, rich; to listen to stars and birds, babes and sages, with open heart; to study hard; to think quietly, act frankly, talk gently, await occasions, hurry never; in a word, to let the spiritual, unbidden and unconscious, grow up through the common- this is my symphony..." {William Henry Channing's Symphony}
- William Henry Channing
You are receiving this message because at some point, you have asked to be on my mailing list via a live show in the US or Europe, online or asked me personally.
I promise your email is never shared with a soul...only me. :=) If you no longer wish to receive these emails, please reply to this message with "Unsubscribe" in the subject line or simply click on the following link: Unsubscribe
Click here to forward this email to a friend
If you have trouble viewing photo's or links, be sure to add littlepumpkinmusic(at)yahoo(dot)com. I know this is true of AOL accts. and could be for many others. Also, be sure to check your spam box and bulk folder. Often times a newsletter like mine could end up there. if you're still having trouble viewing or reading, please let me know.
Contact Christene:
singingchris(at)yahoo.com
http://www.ChristeneLeDoux.com
Christene LeDoux * Little Pumpkin Music Newsletter
May 2008 (!) NEWS for songwriter Christene LeDoux
Issue No. 89
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-- Message from Christene
-- Dust & branches...songs from a wanderer available in JUNE!
-- PLUS *bonus* "tumbleweed...live, unreleased & rarities" CD coming soon after...
-- Tour dates this Summer/Fall in England/Scotland & Australia!
-- Want to host a concert with me in your home? You host in any country, I come to you! Help organize or host a show in general anywhere in the world?
-- Quote for the month...
Hallo (as we say in Austria)!
You may be wondering if I am still alive... !
I am here! :-))
If you didn't already know, I want to share with you that last year health-wise, was probably the most challenging I have personally had. I am doing really well now - completely on the mend - and charging full (ok, a little slower than that to preserve my health!) speed ahead back to finish the new record and touring this Summer and Fall.
The hospital stays, time at home and struggle to make it out, changed a lot of things for me, mainly how I was living my life out there. For a long time, it was music only, at the expense of my mental and physical health, my family and more - so I am not surprised that at the end of that particular road, I had a good old fashioned break down.
It's just like the children's fairy tale humpty dumpty except I was lucky enough to get the pieces of me, back together. :-) I apologize for last Spring/Summer/Fall cancelations and thank you for understanding through it all.
Onward...
The new CD's are absolutely and miraculously coming this June 2008! You have been so patient and loving to me through the years and I want to say thank you for that. It means a lot to me to have such amazing friends, family & fans in this world. Please note CDbaby has been re-stocked with more Little Lighthouse CD's and the first 45 are autographed! Thank you for waiting so patiently.
I have just returned to Austria as of a few days, as we speak - preparing to put "Dust & branches...songs from a wanderer" into duplciation!
Recording in Austin with Mark & friends was challenging due to allergies but aside from that, amaaaazing! I am sooo happy with the outcome and cannot wait to share the CD and all the surprises that come with it!
Another CD, "Tumbleweed... live, unreleased & rarities" is also coming this summer (albeit a bit later as it's being shipped from the US) and was mastered by my good friend and Little Lighthouse producer BZ Lewis at his Studio 132 in San Francisco/Oakland. I just picked up the master while in America last week and will be putting that into duplication as well. Thank you so much to Vic & Reba Heyman for allowing this CD to happen!
Starting in June, I'll be all over England and Scotland as usual and later this year am excited to take my first of many tours to come of Australia.
If you would like to host a house concert, help organize a show or can house me while I am in Australia, England & Scotland and well anywhere in the world, please send me a private email. I will happily come to you and give you a private show we will both remember for years to come.
House concerts have been in my schedule for years and are the most intimate, comfortable and best way to see me perform. They have and will always be my favorite way to perform for you. We pick a date, invite some of your friends, family, co-workers etc.. some of my fans if space permits, either have a potluck or offer snacks (if you'd like) and wala! I love playing acoustically and do not need anything more than a warm place to sleep for the night and even if we can't manage that, I can find one! Feel free to hit reply and let me know your thoughts. I am happy to tell you more about house concerts, how easy they are to host and help you every step of the way.
You can view my current but ever-changing schedule: http://www.ChristeneLeDoux.com
I hope we cross paths soon & more than anything, I hope wherever you are, you are happy. I miss all of you and that crazy, long, tiring but calling to me road...
love,
Chris
p.s If you sponsored Dust & branches... way back when, please send me a private email with your name and the amount. This is important so I can include you in the thank you's! :-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Quote for the month...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"...To live content with small means; to seek elegance rather than luxury, and refinement rather than fashion; to be worthy, not respectable, and wealthy, not, rich; to listen to stars and birds, babes and sages, with open heart; to study hard; to think quietly, act frankly, talk gently, await occasions, hurry never; in a word, to let the spiritual, unbidden and unconscious, grow up through the common- this is my symphony..." {William Henry Channing's Symphony}
- William Henry Channing
You are receiving this message because at some point, you have asked to be on my mailing list via a live show in the US or Europe, online or asked me personally.
I promise your email is never shared with a soul...only me. :=) If you no longer wish to receive these emails, please reply to this message with "Unsubscribe" in the subject line or simply click on the following link: Unsubscribe
Click here to forward this email to a friend
If you have trouble viewing photo's or links, be sure to add littlepumpkinmusic(at)yahoo(dot)com. I know this is true of AOL accts. and could be for many others. Also, be sure to check your spam box and bulk folder. Often times a newsletter like mine could end up there. if you're still having trouble viewing or reading, please let me know.
Contact Christene:
singingchris(at)yahoo.com
http://www.ChristeneLeDoux.com
wandering homebody...
It's 2:30am.
Nowhere near my 5:00am bedtime last night but dogonnit, nothing close to the wonderful early to bed, early to rise hours I kept while in the states. *sigh*
Believe it or not, my emergency sleeping pills were robbed in Austin, Texas by none other than the maid at the hotel I had to move to the last 3 nights there. *geesh*
I had a hunch that day to hide everything as I had 3 guitars and a ton of luggage at that point (from clearing storage) as well as my mac...so thank goodness for that.
Still. I sure could use those suckers now.
Anyway....
I have wanted to write so much for so long and have really had no time.
I still don't but since I can't sleep and I'm really not up for taking cold medicine to get it, here I am.
It's unbelievable how much I accomplished in the nearly 5 weeks I was away in America.
I had hight hopes and expectations and despite not being entirely done yet, I met them all. Exhausted but boy do I feel good about the progress.
Amazing how last year was such a stink for me. Hospital stays and canceled tours.
It's like I am making up for the past year in a few months. *yikes*
As of today, I officially located a duplication company I will use for the new CD.
This is big news for as I spent months and weeks agonizing and researching the best options.
Since I am living abroad, it's a bit complicated with shipping and customs and timing. I have none of that now. Time I mean.
So what a relief today when I met and formed an instant what I know will be lasting career relationship with a local duplicator.
Speaking of making up for things...
It dawned on me on the flight home, after coming out of some heavy family drama, that maybe when you live far from it all, your siblings somehow keep a sort of "family credit card account" on you.
Like when you return, since you've been gone, it's time to pay up.
But the kind of credit card you will never pay off and without the usual perks that come with it. Just a bottomless American family express card.
I never noticed this before this last trip but I must say, after a very uncomfortable confrontation with my always hard to get to older sister, I realized that I am the one that has changed and not her.
I could see it all so plainly even while it was happening (albeit after a brief but necessary losing it moment) but it wasn't until the homecoming flight home that I could put it into perspective.
And after it all was..is said and done, it helped to close some much needed doors and fears I had about growing old and further away from my family.
It looks like I was right all along that America is not where I belong and being that I moved out a little over 16 years old and began my life on the run at 20, it definitely opens my eyes to maybe why I left and stayed away in the first place.
As good as things are with the rest of the family, I can still see this so clearly now. Which was necessary to bring me to the peace I needed to feel, at leaving it all behind forever. Or at least for what now feels like forever. I suppose there really is no forever.
I was the happiest arriving home than any other time and calling Innsbruck and Europe home, I mean a real home and what an amazing feeling.
Getting on that crazy autobahn, stopping at a beautiful little village in the alps before home, by the sea, watching the sunset with my husband.
Driving into my little city with the pretty snow-capped alps, driving up to our 100 year old apartment then walking in and smelling the 100 year-old wood floors, was nothing short of amazing. Even having the real wife moment I had been waiting for.... my husbands pile of unanswered mail, laundry and dead plants.
I have never in my life felt a sense of home or belonging anywhere.
And although life is still life and I will always be a tumbleweed, I realize how good I managed to make things.
Now after my wanderings, I get to come back to a real home, with a beautiful man and real friends, a life. Something I never thought I would get to see in well, my lifetime.
It's late and I've definitely rambled. So I guess I'll save the story of playing at my 7 year old niece Maya's school for the next one. That's whole nother' epiphany altogether and boy did that give me new wings to fly on.
love from a happy but sleepy jet-lagged and happy wandering homebody,
Chris
Nowhere near my 5:00am bedtime last night but dogonnit, nothing close to the wonderful early to bed, early to rise hours I kept while in the states. *sigh*
Believe it or not, my emergency sleeping pills were robbed in Austin, Texas by none other than the maid at the hotel I had to move to the last 3 nights there. *geesh*
I had a hunch that day to hide everything as I had 3 guitars and a ton of luggage at that point (from clearing storage) as well as my mac...so thank goodness for that.
Still. I sure could use those suckers now.
Anyway....
I have wanted to write so much for so long and have really had no time.
I still don't but since I can't sleep and I'm really not up for taking cold medicine to get it, here I am.
It's unbelievable how much I accomplished in the nearly 5 weeks I was away in America.
I had hight hopes and expectations and despite not being entirely done yet, I met them all. Exhausted but boy do I feel good about the progress.
Amazing how last year was such a stink for me. Hospital stays and canceled tours.
It's like I am making up for the past year in a few months. *yikes*
As of today, I officially located a duplication company I will use for the new CD.
This is big news for as I spent months and weeks agonizing and researching the best options.
Since I am living abroad, it's a bit complicated with shipping and customs and timing. I have none of that now. Time I mean.
So what a relief today when I met and formed an instant what I know will be lasting career relationship with a local duplicator.
Speaking of making up for things...
It dawned on me on the flight home, after coming out of some heavy family drama, that maybe when you live far from it all, your siblings somehow keep a sort of "family credit card account" on you.
Like when you return, since you've been gone, it's time to pay up.
But the kind of credit card you will never pay off and without the usual perks that come with it. Just a bottomless American family express card.
I never noticed this before this last trip but I must say, after a very uncomfortable confrontation with my always hard to get to older sister, I realized that I am the one that has changed and not her.
I could see it all so plainly even while it was happening (albeit after a brief but necessary losing it moment) but it wasn't until the homecoming flight home that I could put it into perspective.
And after it all was..is said and done, it helped to close some much needed doors and fears I had about growing old and further away from my family.
It looks like I was right all along that America is not where I belong and being that I moved out a little over 16 years old and began my life on the run at 20, it definitely opens my eyes to maybe why I left and stayed away in the first place.
As good as things are with the rest of the family, I can still see this so clearly now. Which was necessary to bring me to the peace I needed to feel, at leaving it all behind forever. Or at least for what now feels like forever. I suppose there really is no forever.
I was the happiest arriving home than any other time and calling Innsbruck and Europe home, I mean a real home and what an amazing feeling.
Getting on that crazy autobahn, stopping at a beautiful little village in the alps before home, by the sea, watching the sunset with my husband.
Driving into my little city with the pretty snow-capped alps, driving up to our 100 year old apartment then walking in and smelling the 100 year-old wood floors, was nothing short of amazing. Even having the real wife moment I had been waiting for.... my husbands pile of unanswered mail, laundry and dead plants.
I have never in my life felt a sense of home or belonging anywhere.
And although life is still life and I will always be a tumbleweed, I realize how good I managed to make things.
Now after my wanderings, I get to come back to a real home, with a beautiful man and real friends, a life. Something I never thought I would get to see in well, my lifetime.
It's late and I've definitely rambled. So I guess I'll save the story of playing at my 7 year old niece Maya's school for the next one. That's whole nother' epiphany altogether and boy did that give me new wings to fly on.
love from a happy but sleepy jet-lagged and happy wandering homebody,
Chris
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
just gone...
Hitchhiking back home because we walked too far and we were late for dinner. Six and seven years old.
Staying awake all night, going to 7-11 to buy junk food. Stay up, eat it, wait for the milkman to come and run around the neighborhood stealing milk. Sometimes mom waking in the middle of it all telling us to get inside and us running for dear life, laughing and saying, "noooo" (giggle, giggle) Around seven and eight years old.
Ditching school with our big brother as the ring leader. Going to the laundry mat where my sister said, "there was all kinds of fun to be had."
Putting our little brother in large dryers, pushing each other around in the laundry carts. Eleven, seven, six and four years old.
Having Cinemax in our room growing up, getting a way too early lesson by watching movies like "Lady Chaderly's lover." Always.
Toilet papering our neighbor's house across the street and realizing she'd know it was us, so toilet papering our own - then getting caught.
These are the stories I am falling asleep to.
These are the tales my sister told me tonight and despite the fact that I am supposed to be the storyteller, I can't remember a thing about.
If you asked me what my childhood was like, I would say not tragic but ignored. I would say we raised ourselves. All five of us and that's sadly the truth.
I would sigh in relief we all turned out pretty good considering.
There are so many more that even now as I sit in bed, I can't remember.
Everytime I come to Merced and stay with my older sister by one year, Nettie, I get a glimpse into my past, a childhood that to this day, I cannot remember.
There are little bits here but hardly anything really. And as far as long stories about scenarios and moments both mischevious and hilarious, I couldn't tell you.
It's a strange thing I never really explored or that has seemed to bother me.
Not remembering I mean.
But I suppose the older I get, the more I realize if I can't remember not only the stories but my childhood now, I never will. And like my sister said, without siblings, I'd have no history.
So after a belly-laughing conversation and bonding with my wonderful sister, I am excited to see what I will dream.
I am kind of hoping she planted a seed and maybe some great story or memory will just play itself out like a movie.
I would love to know what it was like to be me as a kid. I have no idea, no recollection at all.
Anyway, what were we doing staying up all night going to convenience stores, stealing the neighborhoods milk and hitchhiking back home at six and seven?
Where was everyone?
Staying awake all night, going to 7-11 to buy junk food. Stay up, eat it, wait for the milkman to come and run around the neighborhood stealing milk. Sometimes mom waking in the middle of it all telling us to get inside and us running for dear life, laughing and saying, "noooo" (giggle, giggle) Around seven and eight years old.
Ditching school with our big brother as the ring leader. Going to the laundry mat where my sister said, "there was all kinds of fun to be had."
Putting our little brother in large dryers, pushing each other around in the laundry carts. Eleven, seven, six and four years old.
Having Cinemax in our room growing up, getting a way too early lesson by watching movies like "Lady Chaderly's lover." Always.
Toilet papering our neighbor's house across the street and realizing she'd know it was us, so toilet papering our own - then getting caught.
These are the stories I am falling asleep to.
These are the tales my sister told me tonight and despite the fact that I am supposed to be the storyteller, I can't remember a thing about.
If you asked me what my childhood was like, I would say not tragic but ignored. I would say we raised ourselves. All five of us and that's sadly the truth.
I would sigh in relief we all turned out pretty good considering.
There are so many more that even now as I sit in bed, I can't remember.
Everytime I come to Merced and stay with my older sister by one year, Nettie, I get a glimpse into my past, a childhood that to this day, I cannot remember.
There are little bits here but hardly anything really. And as far as long stories about scenarios and moments both mischevious and hilarious, I couldn't tell you.
It's a strange thing I never really explored or that has seemed to bother me.
Not remembering I mean.
But I suppose the older I get, the more I realize if I can't remember not only the stories but my childhood now, I never will. And like my sister said, without siblings, I'd have no history.
So after a belly-laughing conversation and bonding with my wonderful sister, I am excited to see what I will dream.
I am kind of hoping she planted a seed and maybe some great story or memory will just play itself out like a movie.
I would love to know what it was like to be me as a kid. I have no idea, no recollection at all.
Anyway, what were we doing staying up all night going to convenience stores, stealing the neighborhoods milk and hitchhiking back home at six and seven?
Where was everyone?
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