I admit it, I’m afraid to die.
I got to thinking today about the past couple of years. Where my life has gone.
How did I lose so many people I love recently? Both in death and in friendship?
When will I go? And when I do, will the ones I lost touch with care? Will they
even know?
More importantly, will I have lived honestly and fully? Will I have
done all of the things I set out to do, didn’t know I should try and love as hard
as humanly possible?
The answer was a resounding no and that is where it began.
With all of the media deaths lately and more important to me, my friends passing on, I’ve been quite the morbid one.
I can’t deny I have always been petrified of losing the ones I love. So much so that I routinely since a child checked to see their chests were rising and falling with air.
Yet with all the time I spent worrying about losing my friends and family, back when I was younger, I never really put a second thought to my own death.
It’s only something in the past couple of years I have not only really started to try and wrap my head around but fear. Not a good feeling.
I got to thinking what if someone in the music industry interviewed me about my recent hiatus from the music business. What if they wanted to know every detail down to every thought.
At the end of the day, or life as it will someday be, any interviewer will have long forgotten a little folk singer like me. He’ll hardly remember he asked such profound questions.
So here I go. I’ll interview myself.
But instead of questions I am going to start with answers.
I often tell people the story of being 28.
When I was 28 I didn’t really know.
What I mean is, I was still in the phase of my life where things just flowed from one thing to next. One year bled into the next. One heartbreak to another. One town to one city, to another country and so on.
I wasn’t really watching the clock. Time was moving slowly.
Of course I could have died at 28. But I didn’t. And more than anything, I just didn’t have a huge sense of my own mortality. I lived pretty free and allowed people, places and things to touch me as deep as they could and not give a second thought. I knew how to live. Mostly.
Then at 35, on my birthday, I woke up with not only the obvious fact I was 35 but a psychological, physiological sense of being 35. Like waking up with your eye mask when it’s light but for a minute, you think it’s still dark. When it comes off, it’s a major shock. That’s how I felt. Shocked into 35.
And I believed and still do, in the 7 year cell change.
They say every 7 years your cells change and along with your whole make up.
I wasn’t waiting for it or anything. In fact, I don’t know that I was aware of it then. I just know on that day, I leapt from 28 to 35. Really, in one day I felt 7 years older in every way.
It wasn’t long after that while touring in Greece I met my husband.
I knew when I left for that particular tour I was a changed woman. I knew something was coming and I saw everything in an entirely new light. I was waking up, again. For the first time? I can’t be sure. However I do remember clawing and scratching my way onto the Transatlantic flight. I didn’t want to go. I didn’t want to leap anymore. I started to get scared for the first time in my life.
To make a long story short, we met, we courted, we married. And here I am happily married and living in the alps of Austria.
Sounds like an ending doesn’t it?
And it is in some ways. But a beginning I couldn’t possibly imagine took a strong hold and has not let up since. Everyday it’s stronger and everyday I feel my skin is going to burst open.
I was married, friends started dying. I mean, really good friends. Not that any passing is ok but these were the ones I expected to sit in old age with on the porch.
Just like that, gone.
And then I realized I may have missed a few important stops on my life path. How could that be? Time was moving so slow. I had so much of it. I thought.
All of sudden my clock starts ticking. I mean, it just went off one night. Screaming, blaring, thumping, bashing me over the head with the sound of it.
Baby. Baby. Baby.
Then when I thought things were weird enough, I started to have some health issues. Major ones that required a lot of hospitalizations and with that, show cancellations. In turn it was like dominoes and pieces began tumbling.
I couldn’t stop it, I couldn’t save me. I had to let things fall where they may.
It was like one day I am 28 and the next I am reaching a ’semi-middle age point, baby making time but I have no time, where are my friends, what did I miss, what should I do point.’
Crisis? You bet.
And how did I deal with it? I stepped away from the very thing that gave it to me. Music. It’s just what happened.
I can’t explain it any better nor excuse it anymore.
I’m coming back now. Slowly. On my on terms. But I’d be telling a big, fat lie if I said I am not sick of answering the questions about where have I been, when will I come back and why did I leave in the first place.
Life. Life just caught up with me and there was that one day that I just woke up.
I woke up and realized it was mine and mine alone and I had to accept where I was, what I was going through. Live it, deal with it and move on.
And I have.
It was a slippery one this time. Hard to keep in my hand. Not tangible but I think I understand now. I’ve got a hold now.
Truth be told, you couldn’t pay me any amount of money to go back to 28 or 35. Really. I worked too damn hard to get here, I’m not going back now.
It’s time to get to work on the next phase.
Before my time runs out.
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
Friday, April 03, 2009
Will you be my friend? ...Socializing today.
With the digital age almost permanently (I said almost) replacing meeting real people in real time, it got me to thinking about my digital "peeps" out in the world ... wide web that is.
Back in the day, you met them face to face. You know, at a concert or party, maybe in school or a holiday. Participating in an extra curricular activity.
Nowadays, being online IS the extra curricular activity.
Where does that leave us?
To get with the program (quite literally) or step away from the computer?
I tread both to be honest. Some days I am all over the place, tweetin' this, facebookin' that, myspacin' him and her, bloggin' my every thought.
Other days? I try and delete the people I'm not sure why I added in the first place, erase the photo's I should NOT have posted drinking wine the night before. You know, things you wouldn't dream of sharing before the internet deemed it not only ok but almost necessary if you want to play fair on the web. Maybe the cool kids will want to be your friend. You show me mine, I'll show you... Uh.
Wine, internet. Got me to thinking...
Although this is the opposite of someone you don't know but instead a real person you know...er, knew and now with years passed it's been propelled into the world wide web, I want to include in this unfortunate situation an example of a bad night in the world of technology...
Scenario; Girl (ok, that's me) decides it's a good idea to drink more wine than she needs. Fair enough. She had a hard day and she had been laying off the booze for a good amount of time. She gets on Facebook. She sees her x-boyfriend had emailed her back. Yes, she found him on FB and sent that "Hello stranger" letter, oops email. Um. She's happily married now but she's still alive you know. So she stares at his picture and from the look of his suit, wonders what he's up to now. He looks successful. She gets nostalgic (even more than when she first emailed him) and starts to think of the old times. For a songwriter, this could get dangerous. And she does it. Yes, she does the very thing we all dread someday we might do, or cringe when we get the "Hello stranger" email ourselves. She begins to write. She tells him some of the songs on her records were for him. She gives titles. She talks about her new life and husband. She tells him he was great and she was stupid. She says it took a LONG time to get over him. Yes, she emphasizes that. Um. She says, "I let you go now sweet boy" as a footer. Yikes. She hits send.
Do you see where I am going with this?
Ok, I admit I don't. I started talking about friends we don't know and somehow veered into the world of x's pre-online to online... Um. Nevermind.
And with that minor distraction out of my system, I can get back to what I really want to say and that is... If I need to talk to a friend really, really late at night (at length) about really personal things, will these 'digital' friends be there? Only online I assume. If I needed to borrow money and couldn't pay my mortgage, would they help me? What if someone close to me passed away and I needed support at the funeral from a friend? What if they saw gross things I did or me at my worst, watched me make big mistakes and see how imperfect I really am? Would they still be my "friend forever?" Exactly.
So why is it that online friends seem to be all the rage? Am I missing the point?
I suppose I would be lying if I said I haven't made some 'real' friends that started online myself. It's just... just. Well. I dunno. Just seems so dirty somehow and so fake and sad. Everyone hopping around trying to leech what info they can, get inspired or bring others down, share ideas or steal them, make a buck, steal a buck. What gives?
Will this only get worse?
Of course there are very good people in the world. Of course we are all good at the core and online like everyone else just doin' our thang. But it can be so private while being so open. It's so easy while making things so much more difficult. Giving us work we didn't know we had.
It can make nice people mean. Mean people can appear nice. Ugh.
I took a hiatus from my music and although health issues were my main reason, I admit I was all too happy to get out of and off of the crazy online world of gimmie gimmie gimmie more...gimmie more. Britney is annoying but she nailed that on the head wouldn't you say?
When I just let the email box pile up and sit, deleted the hundreds of emails from my peers asking for help, didn't sign up for any new social networking sites and let the ones I had sit dormant, stopped putting press kits, CD's and whatever else in the mail... I felt a HUGE sigh of relief. I mean, the kind of relief you feel when you think you lost your rent money and it turns up. The kind of relief you feel when you think you didn't pay a parking ticket and you may have a warrant out for your arrest and head in the pokey at any given time. No, those weren't referencing me.
So I just got on with living and guess what? I met my husband and for the first time in years I had a real place to live, make love, cook, decorate, nest in.
I made really good friends with people I could actually see on a regular basis. Build a real face to face trust that only comes when you spend live in person time with people.
I got good at knitting but I blogged less. I started to dig through my old photo's and send them to the people I had promised to send them to for years.
I even picked up my guitar, without agenda and just played. Like the old days.
Going off line should be like the book 'The Sugar blues.' We should go off it once in awhile. We should experience it more than a few times in our lives. At the very least, widdle it down. For some, way down.
Really. It's that good. Better than... Yes and with less time online there is more time for that too. Ehem.
And now as I sign off my digital readers, I wonder who reading this is my friend in real life or friend online. Whichever you are, I really truly hope you are planning to get offline soon, get out of the house and hug a real person. Those virtual hugs take too much time anyway, leave you with guilt trips if you don't send one back and don't feel as good as the real thing.
If we happen to meet out there, I welcome a real, live in person hug anytime.
p.s No, my x didn't "friend" me.
Back in the day, you met them face to face. You know, at a concert or party, maybe in school or a holiday. Participating in an extra curricular activity.
Nowadays, being online IS the extra curricular activity.
Where does that leave us?
To get with the program (quite literally) or step away from the computer?
I tread both to be honest. Some days I am all over the place, tweetin' this, facebookin' that, myspacin' him and her, bloggin' my every thought.
Other days? I try and delete the people I'm not sure why I added in the first place, erase the photo's I should NOT have posted drinking wine the night before. You know, things you wouldn't dream of sharing before the internet deemed it not only ok but almost necessary if you want to play fair on the web. Maybe the cool kids will want to be your friend. You show me mine, I'll show you... Uh.
Wine, internet. Got me to thinking...
Although this is the opposite of someone you don't know but instead a real person you know...er, knew and now with years passed it's been propelled into the world wide web, I want to include in this unfortunate situation an example of a bad night in the world of technology...
Scenario; Girl (ok, that's me) decides it's a good idea to drink more wine than she needs. Fair enough. She had a hard day and she had been laying off the booze for a good amount of time. She gets on Facebook. She sees her x-boyfriend had emailed her back. Yes, she found him on FB and sent that "Hello stranger" letter, oops email. Um. She's happily married now but she's still alive you know. So she stares at his picture and from the look of his suit, wonders what he's up to now. He looks successful. She gets nostalgic (even more than when she first emailed him) and starts to think of the old times. For a songwriter, this could get dangerous. And she does it. Yes, she does the very thing we all dread someday we might do, or cringe when we get the "Hello stranger" email ourselves. She begins to write. She tells him some of the songs on her records were for him. She gives titles. She talks about her new life and husband. She tells him he was great and she was stupid. She says it took a LONG time to get over him. Yes, she emphasizes that. Um. She says, "I let you go now sweet boy" as a footer. Yikes. She hits send.
Do you see where I am going with this?
Ok, I admit I don't. I started talking about friends we don't know and somehow veered into the world of x's pre-online to online... Um. Nevermind.
And with that minor distraction out of my system, I can get back to what I really want to say and that is... If I need to talk to a friend really, really late at night (at length) about really personal things, will these 'digital' friends be there? Only online I assume. If I needed to borrow money and couldn't pay my mortgage, would they help me? What if someone close to me passed away and I needed support at the funeral from a friend? What if they saw gross things I did or me at my worst, watched me make big mistakes and see how imperfect I really am? Would they still be my "friend forever?" Exactly.
So why is it that online friends seem to be all the rage? Am I missing the point?
I suppose I would be lying if I said I haven't made some 'real' friends that started online myself. It's just... just. Well. I dunno. Just seems so dirty somehow and so fake and sad. Everyone hopping around trying to leech what info they can, get inspired or bring others down, share ideas or steal them, make a buck, steal a buck. What gives?
Will this only get worse?
Of course there are very good people in the world. Of course we are all good at the core and online like everyone else just doin' our thang. But it can be so private while being so open. It's so easy while making things so much more difficult. Giving us work we didn't know we had.
It can make nice people mean. Mean people can appear nice. Ugh.
I took a hiatus from my music and although health issues were my main reason, I admit I was all too happy to get out of and off of the crazy online world of gimmie gimmie gimmie more...gimmie more. Britney is annoying but she nailed that on the head wouldn't you say?
When I just let the email box pile up and sit, deleted the hundreds of emails from my peers asking for help, didn't sign up for any new social networking sites and let the ones I had sit dormant, stopped putting press kits, CD's and whatever else in the mail... I felt a HUGE sigh of relief. I mean, the kind of relief you feel when you think you lost your rent money and it turns up. The kind of relief you feel when you think you didn't pay a parking ticket and you may have a warrant out for your arrest and head in the pokey at any given time. No, those weren't referencing me.
So I just got on with living and guess what? I met my husband and for the first time in years I had a real place to live, make love, cook, decorate, nest in.
I made really good friends with people I could actually see on a regular basis. Build a real face to face trust that only comes when you spend live in person time with people.
I got good at knitting but I blogged less. I started to dig through my old photo's and send them to the people I had promised to send them to for years.
I even picked up my guitar, without agenda and just played. Like the old days.
Going off line should be like the book 'The Sugar blues.' We should go off it once in awhile. We should experience it more than a few times in our lives. At the very least, widdle it down. For some, way down.
Really. It's that good. Better than... Yes and with less time online there is more time for that too. Ehem.
And now as I sign off my digital readers, I wonder who reading this is my friend in real life or friend online. Whichever you are, I really truly hope you are planning to get offline soon, get out of the house and hug a real person. Those virtual hugs take too much time anyway, leave you with guilt trips if you don't send one back and don't feel as good as the real thing.
If we happen to meet out there, I welcome a real, live in person hug anytime.
p.s No, my x didn't "friend" me.
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
Hello everyone!
I hope this finds you well.
Since the release of my new CD, "Dust 'n branches ... songs from a wanderer" has been doing so well, I have decided to come out from hiding this winter and book a little Spring tour throughout my region, Europe.
I am an American songwriter currently based in the alps of Innsbruck, Austria.
Although I am located in Europe now, I hold strong ties all over the world, most noteably America - including Austin, Texas where I keep a place.
If you'd like to share a show, trade information and/or help me book a show in your country, please contact me here on FB or here: singingchris(at)yahoo(dot)com
I am also booking house concerts which are the absolute best way to get your own private show for your friends and family.
Thanks for reading!
I really look forward to hearing from you and possibly working together.
warmest,
Christene
http://www.ChristeneLeDoux.com
I hope this finds you well.
Since the release of my new CD, "Dust 'n branches ... songs from a wanderer" has been doing so well, I have decided to come out from hiding this winter and book a little Spring tour throughout my region, Europe.
I am an American songwriter currently based in the alps of Innsbruck, Austria.
Although I am located in Europe now, I hold strong ties all over the world, most noteably America - including Austin, Texas where I keep a place.
If you'd like to share a show, trade information and/or help me book a show in your country, please contact me here on FB or here: singingchris(at)yahoo(dot)com
I am also booking house concerts which are the absolute best way to get your own private show for your friends and family.
Thanks for reading!
I really look forward to hearing from you and possibly working together.
warmest,
Christene
http://www.ChristeneLeDoux.com
Friday, January 30, 2009
More and more I both miss and cherish the far and few between sincere and honest connections I have been lucky enough to make in my thus far, short life.
As a friendly collector of everything including all things broken kind of person, I used to waste too much on people that could really care less. And if they did, it was for some reason other than exchanging love, good energy and encouragement. At least in the business of music, if someone 'be-friended' you, it usually mean they wanted something from you. And I don't mean love. As far as I can see via social networking and some of the emails I receive, this hasn't changed much.
It took me a long time to see this and when I did, even longer to both accept it and do something about it.
Since moving abroad, something happened to my sight and heart that gave me the strength to move on from feeling like I needed their approval, had to help anyone and everyone that asked, felt compelled to 'prove' myself to someone other than me. It's been a long haul and a bumpy one at that, so many dirt road bends.
For that I am grateful. I am learning.
Tonight as I think about the ones I love most - still here, lost ... I realize I am coming dangerously close to mid-life or whatever that means to me and well, I'm just tired of wasting time on anything and anyone who isn't on my side. Because faults an all, I am on their side. Someone and somethings gotta' give.
I've made a huge pile of mistakes. More than my share actually. Such big messes that while I was making them, I knew throwing everything under the bed wasn't exactly going to get me a star on the board. At the time, all I cared about was getting through whatever moment convinced me I couldn't. Somehow saying and doing whatever I needed to; escape, get closer to, run from, understand...
I wish I could say that means I understand that even.
I am still so far from getting it.
With that, I wish for the strength to recognize the takers from the givers, the part of me wanting to hoard without sharing. And when I do see all of this, act on it. Instead of the complacent acceptance that goes with procrastination, laziness, not wanting to bother changing.
As a friendly collector of everything including all things broken kind of person, I used to waste too much on people that could really care less. And if they did, it was for some reason other than exchanging love, good energy and encouragement. At least in the business of music, if someone 'be-friended' you, it usually mean they wanted something from you. And I don't mean love. As far as I can see via social networking and some of the emails I receive, this hasn't changed much.
It took me a long time to see this and when I did, even longer to both accept it and do something about it.
Since moving abroad, something happened to my sight and heart that gave me the strength to move on from feeling like I needed their approval, had to help anyone and everyone that asked, felt compelled to 'prove' myself to someone other than me. It's been a long haul and a bumpy one at that, so many dirt road bends.
For that I am grateful. I am learning.
Tonight as I think about the ones I love most - still here, lost ... I realize I am coming dangerously close to mid-life or whatever that means to me and well, I'm just tired of wasting time on anything and anyone who isn't on my side. Because faults an all, I am on their side. Someone and somethings gotta' give.
I've made a huge pile of mistakes. More than my share actually. Such big messes that while I was making them, I knew throwing everything under the bed wasn't exactly going to get me a star on the board. At the time, all I cared about was getting through whatever moment convinced me I couldn't. Somehow saying and doing whatever I needed to; escape, get closer to, run from, understand...
I wish I could say that means I understand that even.
I am still so far from getting it.
With that, I wish for the strength to recognize the takers from the givers, the part of me wanting to hoard without sharing. And when I do see all of this, act on it. Instead of the complacent acceptance that goes with procrastination, laziness, not wanting to bother changing.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Innsbruck, Austria concert w/ Christene TUES, Dec. 16!
Hello!
Happy holidays! I hope this finds you happy, health and keeping warm!
A little reminder if you are in the Innsbruck, Austria area, my Tuesday, Dec. 16 concert at The Bierstindl Theatre is coming up!
I hope you can make it if you are nearby. If not, I would be so grateful if you passed this on to anyone you think might be interested and near me.
Danke, danke!
What: Concert at Bierstindl w/ USA songwriter Christene LeDoux, now residing in Innsbruck, Austria
When: Tuesday, 16 December 2008
Where: Kulturgasthaus Bierstindl
Address: klostergasse 6, 6020 innsbruck
Tickets at the door or call 0512 586786 or 0512 575757
What time: 19:00 doors open, show starts 19:30
Eintritt: 12€ or 10€ (students, seniors and children)
Christene's website: http://www.ChristeneLeDoux.com
Christene will have some of her most talented Tyrolean friends join her on this night and blend her American contemporary original songs with a unique, modern Tyrolean flare. The atmosphere will be a non-smoking, cozy, candle light ambiance with free home-made American-style chocolate-chip cookies for everyone.
The night will consist of both Christene's original compositions in English as well as a few surprises in German. Expect funny stories, both touching and lively music, banter with the audience and candlelight/sit-down ambiance.
Although from America, while touring through Greece with her Swedish band, Christene met her Tyrolean husband Helmut. In the Summer of 2006 at the end of her tour, she came to Innsbruck to be with Helmut, married in the Golden Roof and never left.
Short text in German:
Die Amerikanische Songwriterin Christene LeDoux hat in Texas und vielen anderen Staaten von America gelebt. Diese "award-winning" Musikerin reist rund um die Welt und teilt ihre berührende Stimme, ihre Lieder und ihre Geschichten ihrem Publikum mit. Dies wird Christene's erstes aber nicht letztes großartiges Konzert in Tirol werden. Christene bekommt gute Kritiken ihren vielen Fans und von vielen Radiostationen und der Presse auf ihren Reisen rund um die Welt.
Happy holidays! I hope this finds you happy, health and keeping warm!
A little reminder if you are in the Innsbruck, Austria area, my Tuesday, Dec. 16 concert at The Bierstindl Theatre is coming up!
I hope you can make it if you are nearby. If not, I would be so grateful if you passed this on to anyone you think might be interested and near me.
Danke, danke!
What: Concert at Bierstindl w/ USA songwriter Christene LeDoux, now residing in Innsbruck, Austria
When: Tuesday, 16 December 2008
Where: Kulturgasthaus Bierstindl
Address: klostergasse 6, 6020 innsbruck
Tickets at the door or call 0512 586786 or 0512 575757
What time: 19:00 doors open, show starts 19:30
Eintritt: 12€ or 10€ (students, seniors and children)
Christene's website: http://www.ChristeneLeDoux.com
Christene will have some of her most talented Tyrolean friends join her on this night and blend her American contemporary original songs with a unique, modern Tyrolean flare. The atmosphere will be a non-smoking, cozy, candle light ambiance with free home-made American-style chocolate-chip cookies for everyone.
The night will consist of both Christene's original compositions in English as well as a few surprises in German. Expect funny stories, both touching and lively music, banter with the audience and candlelight/sit-down ambiance.
Although from America, while touring through Greece with her Swedish band, Christene met her Tyrolean husband Helmut. In the Summer of 2006 at the end of her tour, she came to Innsbruck to be with Helmut, married in the Golden Roof and never left.
Short text in German:
Die Amerikanische Songwriterin Christene LeDoux hat in Texas und vielen anderen Staaten von America gelebt. Diese "award-winning" Musikerin reist rund um die Welt und teilt ihre berührende Stimme, ihre Lieder und ihre Geschichten ihrem Publikum mit. Dies wird Christene's erstes aber nicht letztes großartiges Konzert in Tirol werden. Christene bekommt gute Kritiken ihren vielen Fans und von vielen Radiostationen und der Presse auf ihren Reisen rund um die Welt.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Monday, November 10, 2008
The universe listens...
My computer crashed, died...completely ate everything. *sigh*
So I write first of all to tell you, if you have written and have not gotten a reply, that is why.
If you have ordered the CD and did not receive it, that is why.
If I was supposed to send you a video or photo or whatever else may have been on my harddrive, those are gone too.
If you are wondering if this is true my answer is sadly, an astounding yes. *double sigh*
The good news is... I believe you get what you ask for.
I believe the universe brings it on like no other, even when you forgot you asked in the first place.
I am a positive light giver, for the most part pretty happy go lucky gal. I don't have too many complaints, although I probably should.
But the one thing I have always dreaded is the amount of online work, emails, graphics etc... etc... etc... I have.
Feeling trapped inside, behind the computer and utterly cut off from the rest of the living and breathing world behind a screen.
My to do lists were out of control. They started for the day and turned into lifetime achievement books...um, I mean to do lists.
My email has been insane for years and many had gone unanswered for even longer.
In fact, I was recently digging through the ridiculous pile and getting ready to turn a new leaf.
Alas... the world did it for me.
So I got what I wanted afterall.
I am starting fresh, with a cleaner slate than I would have liked...nonetheless, spick and span.
Again, if you happened to stop by here and check in and were one of the thousands I owe a message to, I apologize from the bottom of my heart.
I'd like to imagine my information, documents and files landed in that never-never land somewhere between those lost socks and one shoes that seem to have disappeared. Never to be seen again.
In the meantime, I leave you with this...
love,
Christene
So I write first of all to tell you, if you have written and have not gotten a reply, that is why.
If you have ordered the CD and did not receive it, that is why.
If I was supposed to send you a video or photo or whatever else may have been on my harddrive, those are gone too.
If you are wondering if this is true my answer is sadly, an astounding yes. *double sigh*
The good news is... I believe you get what you ask for.
I believe the universe brings it on like no other, even when you forgot you asked in the first place.
I am a positive light giver, for the most part pretty happy go lucky gal. I don't have too many complaints, although I probably should.
But the one thing I have always dreaded is the amount of online work, emails, graphics etc... etc... etc... I have.
Feeling trapped inside, behind the computer and utterly cut off from the rest of the living and breathing world behind a screen.
My to do lists were out of control. They started for the day and turned into lifetime achievement books...um, I mean to do lists.
My email has been insane for years and many had gone unanswered for even longer.
In fact, I was recently digging through the ridiculous pile and getting ready to turn a new leaf.
Alas... the world did it for me.
So I got what I wanted afterall.
I am starting fresh, with a cleaner slate than I would have liked...nonetheless, spick and span.
Again, if you happened to stop by here and check in and were one of the thousands I owe a message to, I apologize from the bottom of my heart.
I'd like to imagine my information, documents and files landed in that never-never land somewhere between those lost socks and one shoes that seem to have disappeared. Never to be seen again.
In the meantime, I leave you with this...
love,
Christene
Monday, October 27, 2008
time to fall...
Returning from Austrian wine country back to Innsbruck, I was surprised and delighted to see the sun, feel the crispy air and smell the snow on it's way. Heaven to me.
It's been a strange and bumpy ride the past 5 months since the release of my newest record. Beautiful and disturbing. Usual life stuff.
I have lost people I love, both in death and in my life in general. Lost a youth I held on to for way too long. Not an easy past by far but one which allowed me to become who I am so I suppose it's all I knew. And I can't say I regret anything.
This stage in my life is a ride (the end of one?) for sure and I've taken many. It's the kind that you get on knowing for well you'll be sick before you get off though. My fault for sticking around so long I suppose. Did I really have a choice?
So many people I thought would never leave, always be in my life. Others I just can't imagine life without that are just so far away, I can't reach them no matter what. Once a year is just not enough.
My husband and me are ready for a new path. Especially me.
The road hit me early, long and hard and to be honest, it's a path I never had a chance to choose. As in most cases, it chose me.
My health the past couple of years has taught me, I really don't have as much control as I thought. If any.
In the end, life gives me as much as I can handle. As much as I can muddle through without doing too much damage that's unrecoverable. I hope anyway.
I'm just a little tired from it all. Finally. Finally after all of this time, ready to breath. Ready to start the next chapter. I know, corny. But really, until you hit those trails, you have know idea how hard the hike will be. I really thought I had seen and done it all. Boy, life sure makes a joke of you. The elements always win.
Anyway, I'm hanging up my touring hat for a bit. Sorting the part of my life I set aside all of this time. Most importantly my health. My family and friends, a future without staring at a very unglamorous hotel wall, living on pennies, being alone far too long, competing with strangers that don't know me at all but that are ready to claw my eyes out. *ah sigh* Feels good just writing it. Saying goodbye for awhile I mean.
This time of year always... no matter where I am brings me back to who I always dreamed I'd be, am and still aspire to find. And it's not about what I do, how much money I make or what anyone thinks of me. Something about the coolness wakes me up all over again. Thank god for dead leaves falling.
I'm still here, don't worry. Just let me rest awhile and I promise I will once again return. Return with new colors and energy, at the next step. Feeling it and living it so hard there will be no choice but to share it with you. For the moment, I am empty and have nothing more to say.
love, Chris
It's been a strange and bumpy ride the past 5 months since the release of my newest record. Beautiful and disturbing. Usual life stuff.
I have lost people I love, both in death and in my life in general. Lost a youth I held on to for way too long. Not an easy past by far but one which allowed me to become who I am so I suppose it's all I knew. And I can't say I regret anything.
This stage in my life is a ride (the end of one?) for sure and I've taken many. It's the kind that you get on knowing for well you'll be sick before you get off though. My fault for sticking around so long I suppose. Did I really have a choice?
So many people I thought would never leave, always be in my life. Others I just can't imagine life without that are just so far away, I can't reach them no matter what. Once a year is just not enough.
My husband and me are ready for a new path. Especially me.
The road hit me early, long and hard and to be honest, it's a path I never had a chance to choose. As in most cases, it chose me.
My health the past couple of years has taught me, I really don't have as much control as I thought. If any.
In the end, life gives me as much as I can handle. As much as I can muddle through without doing too much damage that's unrecoverable. I hope anyway.
I'm just a little tired from it all. Finally. Finally after all of this time, ready to breath. Ready to start the next chapter. I know, corny. But really, until you hit those trails, you have know idea how hard the hike will be. I really thought I had seen and done it all. Boy, life sure makes a joke of you. The elements always win.
Anyway, I'm hanging up my touring hat for a bit. Sorting the part of my life I set aside all of this time. Most importantly my health. My family and friends, a future without staring at a very unglamorous hotel wall, living on pennies, being alone far too long, competing with strangers that don't know me at all but that are ready to claw my eyes out. *ah sigh* Feels good just writing it. Saying goodbye for awhile I mean.
This time of year always... no matter where I am brings me back to who I always dreamed I'd be, am and still aspire to find. And it's not about what I do, how much money I make or what anyone thinks of me. Something about the coolness wakes me up all over again. Thank god for dead leaves falling.
I'm still here, don't worry. Just let me rest awhile and I promise I will once again return. Return with new colors and energy, at the next step. Feeling it and living it so hard there will be no choice but to share it with you. For the moment, I am empty and have nothing more to say.
love, Chris
Thursday, September 18, 2008
SMILE, I love you...
Dave was like that.
Even in death, he's trying to make me smile.
When I traveled from Austin, Texas to California the morning of April 19, 2008, I had no idea that writing a blog that day going on about 12 somehow being my new lucky number, was not only a message from the universe I missed but in a weird way I can never explain, Dave's way of sending me light and trying to make me smile.
We met in 1987.
I answered an ad in the local newspaper for a free kitten.
He was a kitty rescuer.
I drove out to what seemed like the middle of nowhere, answering this ad from a complete stranger and proceeded to go inside his house to save my newly adopted kitty.
I remember him coming out in this crazy tye dye shirt, with this gigantic grin written ALL over his face and all I could think was... What. Did. I. Get. Myself. Into.
But then he gone and planted that cheeky grin grin right on and straight through me. And then and there and forever, he always had the ability to undo my dark and make it light.
He was gifted with people like that but I wonder if he knew.
After the day we met, we started on the path of a deep friendship I have yet to mimic with anyone I know. A friendship that stood a true test of time, even if it was only 20 years.
He used to bring me picked flowers from the side of the road on his walks over to see me, gather berries from his garden, write just to say I love you my friend and please SMILE today. Always in capital letters.
He was that kind of soul, that kind of person. The good kind that didn't get made up in someone's head but so real you wondered how he did it. You feared for his sensitivities he wore so selflessly for all to see. Even for people I know didn't deserve it but Dave never saw it that way.
So when I saw him in January of 2007, I had no idea it would be the last time because Dave although struggling most of his life to as we used to say, "to be like a normal person" (whatever that is) he always seemed to land on his feet just like those little kitties he used to save. I was sure he made it out of the woods this time and being that he found his lifelong path of being a ranger, I was sure he was safe from harm amongst the dreams he so deserved to realize.
So tonight, this morning at now nearly 4am, 2 hours since I found out about his passing, I am cursing and loving him for both making April 12 such a horrible day and April 19 the day of his burial a weird one I would come to write what now seems like an insignificant jumble of words about that very number 12.
You see, I didn't know he had passed April 12. And I didn't know on April 19 when I was flying back to the very town we were from and where he was being buried that day that I was writing some ridiculous blog from yet another airport and feeling eerily compelled to blog of the number 12.
A blog full of words that both make no sense yet somehow because I know Dave's calm and peaceful nature in life, he was telling me it was OK. Even in death, he wanted to send me a lucky day. SMILE.
Dave sent me so many beautiful messages over the years.
As friends and so called friends came and went into my life.
All the moves and Uhauls, traveling and lack of postcards and still, he
always tracked and chased me down at just the right time to say: SMILE, I love you!
So simple but if you knew Dave, you would know he really meant it.
I always knew he meant it no matter where in the world I was, how lonely I felt or how unloved I thought I would remain. He beamed right through my computer, through cards and calls and never stopped believing that we both deserved a life full of happiness and peace. And through it all, he emanated peace both to anyone who met him and the world around him. NO matter what and it seems now, even at the cost of his precious life. Dammit.
So to you my sweet-smiling, strawberry-picking, flower-giving friend, I will make you this one last promise of taking that horrible number 12, the day you took your life and making it into something good.
This, this is what you have always done for me and the world around you and so selflessly. Light from dark.
I will celebrate your life not only on this day but everyday. But in my heart when 12 rolls around, I will know you spoke to me even when your nine lives ran out.
I love you Dave. I miss you so much. I'll catch up with you eventually but until I do, SMILE, I love you!
Even in death, he's trying to make me smile.
When I traveled from Austin, Texas to California the morning of April 19, 2008, I had no idea that writing a blog that day going on about 12 somehow being my new lucky number, was not only a message from the universe I missed but in a weird way I can never explain, Dave's way of sending me light and trying to make me smile.
We met in 1987.
I answered an ad in the local newspaper for a free kitten.
He was a kitty rescuer.
I drove out to what seemed like the middle of nowhere, answering this ad from a complete stranger and proceeded to go inside his house to save my newly adopted kitty.
I remember him coming out in this crazy tye dye shirt, with this gigantic grin written ALL over his face and all I could think was... What. Did. I. Get. Myself. Into.
But then he gone and planted that cheeky grin grin right on and straight through me. And then and there and forever, he always had the ability to undo my dark and make it light.
He was gifted with people like that but I wonder if he knew.
After the day we met, we started on the path of a deep friendship I have yet to mimic with anyone I know. A friendship that stood a true test of time, even if it was only 20 years.
He used to bring me picked flowers from the side of the road on his walks over to see me, gather berries from his garden, write just to say I love you my friend and please SMILE today. Always in capital letters.
He was that kind of soul, that kind of person. The good kind that didn't get made up in someone's head but so real you wondered how he did it. You feared for his sensitivities he wore so selflessly for all to see. Even for people I know didn't deserve it but Dave never saw it that way.
So when I saw him in January of 2007, I had no idea it would be the last time because Dave although struggling most of his life to as we used to say, "to be like a normal person" (whatever that is) he always seemed to land on his feet just like those little kitties he used to save. I was sure he made it out of the woods this time and being that he found his lifelong path of being a ranger, I was sure he was safe from harm amongst the dreams he so deserved to realize.
So tonight, this morning at now nearly 4am, 2 hours since I found out about his passing, I am cursing and loving him for both making April 12 such a horrible day and April 19 the day of his burial a weird one I would come to write what now seems like an insignificant jumble of words about that very number 12.
You see, I didn't know he had passed April 12. And I didn't know on April 19 when I was flying back to the very town we were from and where he was being buried that day that I was writing some ridiculous blog from yet another airport and feeling eerily compelled to blog of the number 12.
A blog full of words that both make no sense yet somehow because I know Dave's calm and peaceful nature in life, he was telling me it was OK. Even in death, he wanted to send me a lucky day. SMILE.
Dave sent me so many beautiful messages over the years.
As friends and so called friends came and went into my life.
All the moves and Uhauls, traveling and lack of postcards and still, he
always tracked and chased me down at just the right time to say: SMILE, I love you!
So simple but if you knew Dave, you would know he really meant it.
I always knew he meant it no matter where in the world I was, how lonely I felt or how unloved I thought I would remain. He beamed right through my computer, through cards and calls and never stopped believing that we both deserved a life full of happiness and peace. And through it all, he emanated peace both to anyone who met him and the world around him. NO matter what and it seems now, even at the cost of his precious life. Dammit.
So to you my sweet-smiling, strawberry-picking, flower-giving friend, I will make you this one last promise of taking that horrible number 12, the day you took your life and making it into something good.
This, this is what you have always done for me and the world around you and so selflessly. Light from dark.
I will celebrate your life not only on this day but everyday. But in my heart when 12 rolls around, I will know you spoke to me even when your nine lives ran out.
I love you Dave. I miss you so much. I'll catch up with you eventually but until I do, SMILE, I love you!
Thursday, July 03, 2008
TOUR update started June 24, 2008 to today. Including video + photo's...
Spencer the chocolate lab is snoring loudly as I type:
I'm in Wales... the South of Wales in a beautiful cottage in the middle of nowhere. Absolute heaven. Thanks to Tom & his beautiful family for hosting me. <3
And thanks to "Daisy," my Sat Nav for getting me to this extremely remote farm in Wales:
p.s When you hear that beep, it's because I am speeding... Love how she keeps that in check. Annoying.
This is the gorgeous mostly from their farm dinner (and only home cooked dinner on round II of touring) waiting for me when I arrived:
Oh wait, let me show you the video of getting here... Um, a road that REALLY only fits one little car. I'm not sure how they decide who backs up and who doesn't but in my case, I looked so freaked out every car I came across backed up for me. heh:
Tom kindly offered to host me. He's a friend from my Innsbruck Expats group now back home in Wales and with his family while figuring out his next adventure. He's the real deal. Spent a year traveling the world by himself and along the way, met a girl in Spain which is how he had ended up in Austria... long story short.
So...
I don't even know where to start really.
Where did I leave off last time?
In Sheffield I think, on some days off? Early June?
So much has happened since then, I'll try to summarize it without leaving anything out.
During my days off in Sheffield (I guess that was around June 6-10 or something...?) I took a train up to Lancashire for an extremely fun BBC radio show called "Ladie's at lunch" where I not only sang of course but to my surprise (and only horror because I thought it was live radio) there was a live audience for this regular BBC talk show. Unfortunately I looked like I'd been run over by a truck:
I've seen better days:
Unexpected morning audience:
I sang a couple of songs but even more fun talked about a wide range of topics with the hosts and a couple of guests on the show:
We covered everything from health care in our own countries to health care abroad (which unfortunately I know far too much about) snoring & more... I even talked about my husbands snoring and considering he was listening from Austria, I'm not sure how well that went over. :-)
My dad also listened in but from America. Nice except for the part about me mentioning him marrying Cindy (his new wife) to get on her insurance. Not exactly what I meant (at all actually) as they are in love but just an example of the health care in America and the both of them having do it a little quicker than they had planned. He didn't get it:
I headed back via train to Sheffield and the following day or was it the day before? Geesh, I'm losing it. Had a really fun live interview and performance on BBC Radio Sheffield. My dad listened to that too and even heard his, "Angel you've come too soon" song played off the record for the first time:
Pete and Jane (and Pete's dad visiting from Florida Eric) were wonderful hosts and fun to be around. They made fun (lovingly) of my crazy raw food diet and were sweet in every way to both accomodate it and in general go too far out of their way to drive me to my radio show, the train station and most importantly, later that week host an excellent show at Pete's new venue The George. Sweet people all the way around.
I picked up a kettle at the start of my tour which came in handy that night so I could keep refilling my throat coat tea without bugging the bartendar. I got some loving grief for that too but it was all in good fun and you're not touring England unless you have yourself a cuppa or two.
The Bury show was also great and the co-bill with an excellent British songwriter named Steve Gifford. He reminded me a bit of James Taylor and overall was just so pleasant. Thanks for watching my salad while I ran around Steve! :-):
I ended round 1 of touring with the highlight of that tour - an incredible couple of days with friends just outside of Liverpool in Birkenhead. It was absolutely amazing to see and hear Jim Rae again and as treat this year, two other excellent songwriters he's currently collaborating with; Phil Chisnall & Joe Topper. Jimmy you are so bloody talented in every way and I love you. Come to Austria OK?!
This is us during the encore song. A last minute (that day) addition to the show:
And this is a snippet of me singing one of the first songs I ever wrote. A fan got me into singing it again, "Bus to the ocean.":
What an unbelievable night we all had - truly. A stellar way to end round 1 with very good friends and a reminder why I make music in the first place. Seriously.
Thanks to my beautiful friend Vicky and her gorgeous daughter Anabel for hosting me and if you try to give me your bed next time V, I won't let you! You're so sweet, thank you again:
I got back to Innsbruck for a much needed 5 days off but regrettably didn't get much of a break. Spent most of time shipping CD's out to pre-orders, family, agents etc... running off posters, had another call-in BBC radio interview. My poor husband took the remaining time which sadly wasn't much and said he was happy. It was hard being home for such a short amount of time. It almost made me miss him, my friends and home even more.
Euro 2008 was in full swing and the streets beautiful chaos. That was fun to see anyway and we did have a nice last evening together overlooking the city from a gorgeous panoramic bar. I don't eat dairy anymore but I decided to deal with the pain after and go for a gelato to top off the night. Oh yeah!
Glimpse of Euro 2008:
Round 2 of touring started off with the usual 3am rise, 4am dash to Munich for a 7am flight.
The first half from Munich to Heathrow was better than a couple of weeks ago when apparently the tower didn't "expect" our plane on the schedule. Craziness.
While sitting behind the counter waiting to pre-board for my puddle jumper to Newcastle I met a man. He started the conversation by asking, "Singing yer' way round' the world are ya'?" and we began to talk about the hardships of life on the road. He told me about his version of traveling from here to there and the difficulty of getting around since his hip replacement. He had a cane and while traveling through the airport. He was using an airport wheelchair which he was quick to point out was the way to travel through the madness.
I told him about my illness and hospital stays last year and the long break I was forced to take because of it. How I felt apprehensive to be back on the road but here I was... redefining and reshaping my life in music, as a tumbleweed.
We're really getting philosophical now when I asked him what kind of work he did that laid him on the sometimes hard & dirty road and do you know what he replied?
"I'm Darth Vader."
Seriously.
Dave Prowse, THE Darth Vader.
After he told me, I tried to listen close to his voice. I later found out his voice had been dubbed.
He's taking singing lessons now, working on some co-writing and a record, manages a few bands on the side.
Who would of thought Darth Vador would be in the music business.
.
His autograph sure came in handy later at the rental car company at the Newcastle Airport when I realized my credit card had been drained (not by me but the evil on the internet!) and we couldn't get the card to work to get my car! He said, "The force is with you!" and it was...thanks Darth!
And thank god for those words because for some crazy reason, my friends at the airport whom I am beginning to see every other week it seems, sorted things magically so I could get my hire. *whew* Thanks Dave and thanks Desmond & Brian. I can't wait to see you all again.
My first show was that night in Reeth.
I had a shorter set than usual but a good one. I decided to do tumbleweed which I choose carefully when I don't get a long set time (most of you know what I am talking about:-) My hosts John and his wife were adorable and hard-working with the show. Totally welcoming in their home and my god, what a beautiful little village Reeth is. It's in Cumbria and if you have never been in England, I suggest you get your butt there. Wow:
It was rainy and cold and after Reeth and I really just froze the whole time & HAD to get this handmade by a local hat to keep my poor little cold head warm:
My sweet hosts layered the bed with an electric blanket which was super helpful and cozy.
Although John Wright passed away recently, his band is continuing on with his 2008 booked shows. Pete from the band took over the lead and did a wonderful job. A gorgeous singer in his own right and the band were so talented it made my stomach hurt. The band each played no less than 6-7 instruments. I stopped counting.
I can't wait to get back to Reeth and out and about to see the guys again.
Here are a few photo's the day after before I headed out:
Doesn't the ivy look like a heart?
Tea house I thoroughly enjoyed:
That day I took a GORGEOUS drive through Cumbria along rivers and old villages, falling apart stone houses scattered throughout and pulled over to indulge in a bit of clotted cream fudge, watch the rolling hills and of course sheep for days - to meet and play for another great set of hosts Penny and Paul. What a totally gorgeous couple, with a great daughter, Rosie the dog and venue they have built up all these years:
I had a night to remember.
I made up a funny song on the post about Penny and Paul's sweet doggie Rosie but to my horror, sang about the dog and used their daughter's name Daisy instead! It was pretty funny though and Penny came on stage with me and got the audience howling. I wish I had that on video! Here's a photo from that moment anyway:
Penny and I stayed awake pretty late chatting it up below their house in their antique shop. I must say it was pretty cool sitting on the antique couch at the window of the shop in the middle of the night. Surrounded by my favorite things...old things.
It was pretty cold and rainy heading out when I left to drive to my friend Dave's house about 45 minutes away in Wigton but what a gorgeous drive anyhow. Cumbria is now on my list of must see every tour and for sure, come back and really spend time when not working. I stopped here to have some MORE tea and indulged in a big no-no, fudge...i.e "clotted cream":
When I got to Dave's we had planned to visit the Lake District but with the late arrival and the weather, we opted for take out instead. Something else I don't do anymore so it was a big treat to eat chinese!
And true to his nature David had a water bottle to keep my feet warm waiting in my bed. The kicker? It was wrapped up in a furry stuffed animal dog. He's onto me and my obsession (dog envy) while on the road:
I spent some time on Skype as well (internet is hard to come by on the road lately) and unfortunately, the business side of music along with the stress of touring, the cold maybe... threw my body into a fever.
It was on and off through the night and although I was with a sore throat in the am, I still had a great show that night in Wales.
I drove 6 hours down to Swansea which compared to the ridiculous amount of driving I used to do in the states is NOTHING but it wrecked me.
In and out of hired cars and planes, homes and hotels, stages etc... day after day, starts to wear you down in general.
I was pretty out of it when I arrived and although was dying to get through soundcheck and to my hotel to rest, really only had enough time to eat my salad beforehand and get in the shower.
My friend and promoter David drove me to the hotel allowing me to leave my car til after the show which was great.
And Dave... I don't know where to begin with this beautiful man except to say we have for sure met in another life - or were supposed to meet in this one. A true soul friend I am utterly in love with and will treasure. Love you D:
I had a great show and a few people turned out after reading the Maverick piece, word of mouth from other shows... yay:
In all the years I've toured around these parts, this is my first in Wales.
It really is different from England and without offending beautiful England which I love, the people just seem a bit easier.
When I drove in it was sunny and much warmer too - by as much as 10 degrees celcius actually. A huge difference. So that could have been part of the fresh and new feeling I got when I crossed the border. I'm not sure.
I just know I adore Wales and the Welsh and absolutely cannot wait to get back here.
Bulith Wells was another gorgeous, gorgeous village and the drive even more incredible:
I was awstruck. Despite the fact I was expecting to see a petrol station and I didn't and well, ran on fumes through the hills - I loved every second on the scenery.
The welsh are known for their sheep and they did not disappoint.
Everywhere.
On the streets, laying around as you turn the bend, roaming, hauling ass to cross, grazing just about everywhere. Truly a sight.
The view from my b&b:
Caravans are in their glory this time of year and Wales delivered in a huge way. Not so great for the speed of one way traffic but since I give myself so much time each day to travel, I didn't mind.
Passing the little snack trucks that seem to come every few minutes was nice, the rolling, rolling green pastures and flowers, farms and cottages, villages dotted along the way.
I listened to the new Emmy Lou all the way there, ate the fresh strawberries they sent me off with in Swansea and definitely hit my hobo stride.
My soundcheck with Ian, Tony and Alan was almost as much fun as the show!
The bursitis in my shoulder is really acting up lately & the fun started with Ian suggesting we hang me from a rope to stretch it. It turned into a Madonna'esc sound check from there and all I can say it was really the most fun I have had:
Despite not being huge numbers, it was a good-sized crowd and incredibly fun. A beautiful centre like a castle inside and nestled right next to the river:
We really had one of those nights.. me and my audience. The kind that make me want to cuddle and hug them all afterward. I loved every minute of that stage.
And as a bonus I made friends with Cath and Eileen at the b&b I was housed at and cannot wait to return as a tourist and really get to know Bulith Wells.
Speaking of my hobo stride...
I am in it 100% and although happy to be getting 2 weeks off coming up here, will be a bit sad that it's getting interupted.
It seemed to take longer to hit this time around & breaking it up is like doing to show sets - I hate that.
WIth that said, I have to admit the logistics of what I do are disheartening more often than not, exhausting and sometimes downright depressing. But I am happy to report all of the shows have been stellar and the souls I have been lucky enough to meet and call friends have made the other bits disappear slightly.
Those 90-120 minutes on stage take a lot to get to but at the moment I can say they are feeling mighty fine and the worth the hefty price. Mostly. Sometimes.
I say that today.
This feeling of road...show bliss comes and goes.
It's a never-ending thing with me I guess. The road, being home, the road, being home.
The other day I was in tatters over the business, with a fever and totally wiped out from the politics that don't go away in this soul-crushing business. Then the next, I am happily cruising along with just the right song on, the remainder of the show from the night before still in my body, the thought of the last hug I got from the new most likely life-long friend I just made, humming whatever song of mine that seems to be stuck in my head.
Today was a harrowing often hilarious drive down roads that I kid you not fit ONE car. No more than one. And barely that.
Roads that meant someone had to back down and hit reverse on the other end. Lucky for me it was clear I didn't know what I was doing and most backed up.
Don't believe me? See for yourself :-):
I am sitting in bed after spending time with the kindest Welsh family, eating food mostly grown here at the cottage, having great conversation and feeling more relaxed than I have felt since hitting this pavement again.
The show reviews have been great, lots of videos and photo's, live BBC interviews, invites to new venues. feedback from the new CD have been very positive and along with the usual newspaper online articles etc.. I got a great on tour write up in Maverick again.
I'll admit I'm not 100% convinced. Money is tight and logistics are sometimes paralyzing.
But I'm not going anywhere...
Exactly how it will even out only time can tell. But I can feel it beginning to smooth over the way it was always meant to be. Music AND a life. Wow, who could have imagined?
If you happen to talk to me on one of those days where my tires blew out or it was pissing rain and I was late for a radio interview, maybe lost on those crazy backroads somewhere, having a go with someone in the business, not getting enough sleep or food, had a night before of singing to hand-crossed punters who'd rather drink a pint and I'm a little cranky ... I hope you'll understand it's just a passing moment and I still believe... and am pretty much a happy camper, hobo, gypsy, wanderin', traveler, wife, friend, daughter and stranger. Remember, strangers are just friends you haven't met yet.
Sending you love from a cold footed American girl in Wales.
I need warmer socks!
love,
Chris
I'm in Wales... the South of Wales in a beautiful cottage in the middle of nowhere. Absolute heaven. Thanks to Tom & his beautiful family for hosting me. <3
And thanks to "Daisy," my Sat Nav for getting me to this extremely remote farm in Wales:
p.s When you hear that beep, it's because I am speeding... Love how she keeps that in check. Annoying.
This is the gorgeous mostly from their farm dinner (and only home cooked dinner on round II of touring) waiting for me when I arrived:
Oh wait, let me show you the video of getting here... Um, a road that REALLY only fits one little car. I'm not sure how they decide who backs up and who doesn't but in my case, I looked so freaked out every car I came across backed up for me. heh:
Tom kindly offered to host me. He's a friend from my Innsbruck Expats group now back home in Wales and with his family while figuring out his next adventure. He's the real deal. Spent a year traveling the world by himself and along the way, met a girl in Spain which is how he had ended up in Austria... long story short.
So...
I don't even know where to start really.
Where did I leave off last time?
In Sheffield I think, on some days off? Early June?
So much has happened since then, I'll try to summarize it without leaving anything out.
During my days off in Sheffield (I guess that was around June 6-10 or something...?) I took a train up to Lancashire for an extremely fun BBC radio show called "Ladie's at lunch" where I not only sang of course but to my surprise (and only horror because I thought it was live radio) there was a live audience for this regular BBC talk show. Unfortunately I looked like I'd been run over by a truck:
I've seen better days:
Unexpected morning audience:
I sang a couple of songs but even more fun talked about a wide range of topics with the hosts and a couple of guests on the show:
We covered everything from health care in our own countries to health care abroad (which unfortunately I know far too much about) snoring & more... I even talked about my husbands snoring and considering he was listening from Austria, I'm not sure how well that went over. :-)
My dad also listened in but from America. Nice except for the part about me mentioning him marrying Cindy (his new wife) to get on her insurance. Not exactly what I meant (at all actually) as they are in love but just an example of the health care in America and the both of them having do it a little quicker than they had planned. He didn't get it:
I headed back via train to Sheffield and the following day or was it the day before? Geesh, I'm losing it. Had a really fun live interview and performance on BBC Radio Sheffield. My dad listened to that too and even heard his, "Angel you've come too soon" song played off the record for the first time:
Pete and Jane (and Pete's dad visiting from Florida Eric) were wonderful hosts and fun to be around. They made fun (lovingly) of my crazy raw food diet and were sweet in every way to both accomodate it and in general go too far out of their way to drive me to my radio show, the train station and most importantly, later that week host an excellent show at Pete's new venue The George. Sweet people all the way around.
I picked up a kettle at the start of my tour which came in handy that night so I could keep refilling my throat coat tea without bugging the bartendar. I got some loving grief for that too but it was all in good fun and you're not touring England unless you have yourself a cuppa or two.
The Bury show was also great and the co-bill with an excellent British songwriter named Steve Gifford. He reminded me a bit of James Taylor and overall was just so pleasant. Thanks for watching my salad while I ran around Steve! :-):
I ended round 1 of touring with the highlight of that tour - an incredible couple of days with friends just outside of Liverpool in Birkenhead. It was absolutely amazing to see and hear Jim Rae again and as treat this year, two other excellent songwriters he's currently collaborating with; Phil Chisnall & Joe Topper. Jimmy you are so bloody talented in every way and I love you. Come to Austria OK?!
This is us during the encore song. A last minute (that day) addition to the show:
And this is a snippet of me singing one of the first songs I ever wrote. A fan got me into singing it again, "Bus to the ocean.":
What an unbelievable night we all had - truly. A stellar way to end round 1 with very good friends and a reminder why I make music in the first place. Seriously.
Thanks to my beautiful friend Vicky and her gorgeous daughter Anabel for hosting me and if you try to give me your bed next time V, I won't let you! You're so sweet, thank you again:
I got back to Innsbruck for a much needed 5 days off but regrettably didn't get much of a break. Spent most of time shipping CD's out to pre-orders, family, agents etc... running off posters, had another call-in BBC radio interview. My poor husband took the remaining time which sadly wasn't much and said he was happy. It was hard being home for such a short amount of time. It almost made me miss him, my friends and home even more.
Euro 2008 was in full swing and the streets beautiful chaos. That was fun to see anyway and we did have a nice last evening together overlooking the city from a gorgeous panoramic bar. I don't eat dairy anymore but I decided to deal with the pain after and go for a gelato to top off the night. Oh yeah!
Glimpse of Euro 2008:
Round 2 of touring started off with the usual 3am rise, 4am dash to Munich for a 7am flight.
The first half from Munich to Heathrow was better than a couple of weeks ago when apparently the tower didn't "expect" our plane on the schedule. Craziness.
While sitting behind the counter waiting to pre-board for my puddle jumper to Newcastle I met a man. He started the conversation by asking, "Singing yer' way round' the world are ya'?" and we began to talk about the hardships of life on the road. He told me about his version of traveling from here to there and the difficulty of getting around since his hip replacement. He had a cane and while traveling through the airport. He was using an airport wheelchair which he was quick to point out was the way to travel through the madness.
I told him about my illness and hospital stays last year and the long break I was forced to take because of it. How I felt apprehensive to be back on the road but here I was... redefining and reshaping my life in music, as a tumbleweed.
We're really getting philosophical now when I asked him what kind of work he did that laid him on the sometimes hard & dirty road and do you know what he replied?
"I'm Darth Vader."
Seriously.
Dave Prowse, THE Darth Vader.
After he told me, I tried to listen close to his voice. I later found out his voice had been dubbed.
He's taking singing lessons now, working on some co-writing and a record, manages a few bands on the side.
Who would of thought Darth Vador would be in the music business.
.
His autograph sure came in handy later at the rental car company at the Newcastle Airport when I realized my credit card had been drained (not by me but the evil on the internet!) and we couldn't get the card to work to get my car! He said, "The force is with you!" and it was...thanks Darth!
And thank god for those words because for some crazy reason, my friends at the airport whom I am beginning to see every other week it seems, sorted things magically so I could get my hire. *whew* Thanks Dave and thanks Desmond & Brian. I can't wait to see you all again.
My first show was that night in Reeth.
I had a shorter set than usual but a good one. I decided to do tumbleweed which I choose carefully when I don't get a long set time (most of you know what I am talking about:-) My hosts John and his wife were adorable and hard-working with the show. Totally welcoming in their home and my god, what a beautiful little village Reeth is. It's in Cumbria and if you have never been in England, I suggest you get your butt there. Wow:
It was rainy and cold and after Reeth and I really just froze the whole time & HAD to get this handmade by a local hat to keep my poor little cold head warm:
My sweet hosts layered the bed with an electric blanket which was super helpful and cozy.
Although John Wright passed away recently, his band is continuing on with his 2008 booked shows. Pete from the band took over the lead and did a wonderful job. A gorgeous singer in his own right and the band were so talented it made my stomach hurt. The band each played no less than 6-7 instruments. I stopped counting.
I can't wait to get back to Reeth and out and about to see the guys again.
Here are a few photo's the day after before I headed out:
Doesn't the ivy look like a heart?
Tea house I thoroughly enjoyed:
That day I took a GORGEOUS drive through Cumbria along rivers and old villages, falling apart stone houses scattered throughout and pulled over to indulge in a bit of clotted cream fudge, watch the rolling hills and of course sheep for days - to meet and play for another great set of hosts Penny and Paul. What a totally gorgeous couple, with a great daughter, Rosie the dog and venue they have built up all these years:
I had a night to remember.
I made up a funny song on the post about Penny and Paul's sweet doggie Rosie but to my horror, sang about the dog and used their daughter's name Daisy instead! It was pretty funny though and Penny came on stage with me and got the audience howling. I wish I had that on video! Here's a photo from that moment anyway:
Penny and I stayed awake pretty late chatting it up below their house in their antique shop. I must say it was pretty cool sitting on the antique couch at the window of the shop in the middle of the night. Surrounded by my favorite things...old things.
It was pretty cold and rainy heading out when I left to drive to my friend Dave's house about 45 minutes away in Wigton but what a gorgeous drive anyhow. Cumbria is now on my list of must see every tour and for sure, come back and really spend time when not working. I stopped here to have some MORE tea and indulged in a big no-no, fudge...i.e "clotted cream":
When I got to Dave's we had planned to visit the Lake District but with the late arrival and the weather, we opted for take out instead. Something else I don't do anymore so it was a big treat to eat chinese!
And true to his nature David had a water bottle to keep my feet warm waiting in my bed. The kicker? It was wrapped up in a furry stuffed animal dog. He's onto me and my obsession (dog envy) while on the road:
I spent some time on Skype as well (internet is hard to come by on the road lately) and unfortunately, the business side of music along with the stress of touring, the cold maybe... threw my body into a fever.
It was on and off through the night and although I was with a sore throat in the am, I still had a great show that night in Wales.
I drove 6 hours down to Swansea which compared to the ridiculous amount of driving I used to do in the states is NOTHING but it wrecked me.
In and out of hired cars and planes, homes and hotels, stages etc... day after day, starts to wear you down in general.
I was pretty out of it when I arrived and although was dying to get through soundcheck and to my hotel to rest, really only had enough time to eat my salad beforehand and get in the shower.
My friend and promoter David drove me to the hotel allowing me to leave my car til after the show which was great.
And Dave... I don't know where to begin with this beautiful man except to say we have for sure met in another life - or were supposed to meet in this one. A true soul friend I am utterly in love with and will treasure. Love you D:
I had a great show and a few people turned out after reading the Maverick piece, word of mouth from other shows... yay:
In all the years I've toured around these parts, this is my first in Wales.
It really is different from England and without offending beautiful England which I love, the people just seem a bit easier.
When I drove in it was sunny and much warmer too - by as much as 10 degrees celcius actually. A huge difference. So that could have been part of the fresh and new feeling I got when I crossed the border. I'm not sure.
I just know I adore Wales and the Welsh and absolutely cannot wait to get back here.
Bulith Wells was another gorgeous, gorgeous village and the drive even more incredible:
I was awstruck. Despite the fact I was expecting to see a petrol station and I didn't and well, ran on fumes through the hills - I loved every second on the scenery.
The welsh are known for their sheep and they did not disappoint.
Everywhere.
On the streets, laying around as you turn the bend, roaming, hauling ass to cross, grazing just about everywhere. Truly a sight.
The view from my b&b:
Caravans are in their glory this time of year and Wales delivered in a huge way. Not so great for the speed of one way traffic but since I give myself so much time each day to travel, I didn't mind.
Passing the little snack trucks that seem to come every few minutes was nice, the rolling, rolling green pastures and flowers, farms and cottages, villages dotted along the way.
I listened to the new Emmy Lou all the way there, ate the fresh strawberries they sent me off with in Swansea and definitely hit my hobo stride.
My soundcheck with Ian, Tony and Alan was almost as much fun as the show!
The bursitis in my shoulder is really acting up lately & the fun started with Ian suggesting we hang me from a rope to stretch it. It turned into a Madonna'esc sound check from there and all I can say it was really the most fun I have had:
Despite not being huge numbers, it was a good-sized crowd and incredibly fun. A beautiful centre like a castle inside and nestled right next to the river:
We really had one of those nights.. me and my audience. The kind that make me want to cuddle and hug them all afterward. I loved every minute of that stage.
And as a bonus I made friends with Cath and Eileen at the b&b I was housed at and cannot wait to return as a tourist and really get to know Bulith Wells.
Speaking of my hobo stride...
I am in it 100% and although happy to be getting 2 weeks off coming up here, will be a bit sad that it's getting interupted.
It seemed to take longer to hit this time around & breaking it up is like doing to show sets - I hate that.
WIth that said, I have to admit the logistics of what I do are disheartening more often than not, exhausting and sometimes downright depressing. But I am happy to report all of the shows have been stellar and the souls I have been lucky enough to meet and call friends have made the other bits disappear slightly.
Those 90-120 minutes on stage take a lot to get to but at the moment I can say they are feeling mighty fine and the worth the hefty price. Mostly. Sometimes.
I say that today.
This feeling of road...show bliss comes and goes.
It's a never-ending thing with me I guess. The road, being home, the road, being home.
The other day I was in tatters over the business, with a fever and totally wiped out from the politics that don't go away in this soul-crushing business. Then the next, I am happily cruising along with just the right song on, the remainder of the show from the night before still in my body, the thought of the last hug I got from the new most likely life-long friend I just made, humming whatever song of mine that seems to be stuck in my head.
Today was a harrowing often hilarious drive down roads that I kid you not fit ONE car. No more than one. And barely that.
Roads that meant someone had to back down and hit reverse on the other end. Lucky for me it was clear I didn't know what I was doing and most backed up.
Don't believe me? See for yourself :-):
I am sitting in bed after spending time with the kindest Welsh family, eating food mostly grown here at the cottage, having great conversation and feeling more relaxed than I have felt since hitting this pavement again.
The show reviews have been great, lots of videos and photo's, live BBC interviews, invites to new venues. feedback from the new CD have been very positive and along with the usual newspaper online articles etc.. I got a great on tour write up in Maverick again.
I'll admit I'm not 100% convinced. Money is tight and logistics are sometimes paralyzing.
But I'm not going anywhere...
Exactly how it will even out only time can tell. But I can feel it beginning to smooth over the way it was always meant to be. Music AND a life. Wow, who could have imagined?
If you happen to talk to me on one of those days where my tires blew out or it was pissing rain and I was late for a radio interview, maybe lost on those crazy backroads somewhere, having a go with someone in the business, not getting enough sleep or food, had a night before of singing to hand-crossed punters who'd rather drink a pint and I'm a little cranky ... I hope you'll understand it's just a passing moment and I still believe... and am pretty much a happy camper, hobo, gypsy, wanderin', traveler, wife, friend, daughter and stranger. Remember, strangers are just friends you haven't met yet.
Sending you love from a cold footed American girl in Wales.
I need warmer socks!
love,
Chris
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