wandering homebody...

It's 2:30am.

Nowhere near my 5:00am bedtime last night but dogonnit, nothing close to the wonderful early to bed, early to rise hours I kept while in the states. *sigh*

Believe it or not, my emergency sleeping pills were robbed in Austin, Texas by none other than the maid at the hotel I had to move to the last 3 nights there. *geesh*
I had a hunch that day to hide everything as I had 3 guitars and a ton of luggage at that point (from clearing storage) as well as my mac...so thank goodness for that.
Still. I sure could use those suckers now.

Anyway....

I have wanted to write so much for so long and have really had no time.
I still don't but since I can't sleep and I'm really not up for taking cold medicine to get it, here I am.

It's unbelievable how much I accomplished in the nearly 5 weeks I was away in America.

I had hight hopes and expectations and despite not being entirely done yet, I met them all. Exhausted but boy do I feel good about the progress.

Amazing how last year was such a stink for me. Hospital stays and canceled tours.
It's like I am making up for the past year in a few months. *yikes*

As of today, I officially located a duplication company I will use for the new CD.

This is big news for as I spent months and weeks agonizing and researching the best options.
Since I am living abroad, it's a bit complicated with shipping and customs and timing. I have none of that now. Time I mean.

So what a relief today when I met and formed an instant what I know will be lasting career relationship with a local duplicator.

Speaking of making up for things...
It dawned on me on the flight home, after coming out of some heavy family drama, that maybe when you live far from it all, your siblings somehow keep a sort of "family credit card account" on you.
Like when you return, since you've been gone, it's time to pay up.
But the kind of credit card you will never pay off and without the usual perks that come with it. Just a bottomless American family express card.

I never noticed this before this last trip but I must say, after a very uncomfortable confrontation with my always hard to get to older sister, I realized that I am the one that has changed and not her.
I could see it all so plainly even while it was happening (albeit after a brief but necessary losing it moment) but it wasn't until the homecoming flight home that I could put it into perspective.

And after it all was..is said and done, it helped to close some much needed doors and fears I had about growing old and further away from my family.

It looks like I was right all along that America is not where I belong and being that I moved out a little over 16 years old and began my life on the run at 20, it definitely opens my eyes to maybe why I left and stayed away in the first place.

As good as things are with the rest of the family, I can still see this so clearly now. Which was necessary to bring me to the peace I needed to feel, at leaving it all behind forever. Or at least for what now feels like forever. I suppose there really is no forever.

I was the happiest arriving home than any other time and calling Innsbruck and Europe home, I mean a real home and what an amazing feeling.

Getting on that crazy autobahn, stopping at a beautiful little village in the alps before home, by the sea, watching the sunset with my husband.
Driving into my little city with the pretty snow-capped alps, driving up to our 100 year old apartment then walking in and smelling the 100 year-old wood floors, was nothing short of amazing. Even having the real wife moment I had been waiting for.... my husbands pile of unanswered mail, laundry and dead plants.

I have never in my life felt a sense of home or belonging anywhere.
And although life is still life and I will always be a tumbleweed, I realize how good I managed to make things.
Now after my wanderings, I get to come back to a real home, with a beautiful man and real friends, a life. Something I never thought I would get to see in well, my lifetime.

It's late and I've definitely rambled. So I guess I'll save the story of playing at my 7 year old niece Maya's school for the next one. That's whole nother' epiphany altogether and boy did that give me new wings to fly on.

love from a happy but sleepy jet-lagged and happy wandering homebody,
Chris